There have been so many set backs lately, especially in terms of finding a teaching position, that I want to say that "it is not fair." The only thing stopping me from saying this is my high school history teacher's voice replaying over in my brain saying, "a fair is a carnival and we are not going." To this day I cannot say that something isn't fair, or hear somebody say it to me without saying the above statement.
I guess what really has me feeling that way is the fact that recent graduates, many of which who are at least 4 years younger than me, already have teaching positions for this fall, a few even had them before graduating. The simplest explanation I can think of for this is that they have a bachelors in education whereas I have a masters, which means schools/systems would have to initially pay me more. This isn't the first time that I have found myself thinking that I may have jumped the gun with my masters, but I really didn't have much of a choice since my undergraduate was in Bible.
Add this to the fact that my past issues and struggles have been eating at me causing me to go on a roller coaster of emotions, with depression and anxiety, at the drop of a hat, thus making me feel absolutely awful. I really do need to find a job and move out (again) for my own sanity. I am 25, going on 26, years old and still living at home off of my parents. It just makes me feel like a complete and utter failure at life, with no silver lining in sight.
Hopefully something will come through in the next few weeks or I may have another break down. I am hoping to avoid this at all costs because I really don't think I can handle it this time since a majority of my support system is in middle Tennessee. JD may have had a point when he told me in December that I really needed to start talking to somebody again. I honestly would have started doing so by not, but I don't have the money to pay the counselor(s) or the gas money to drive to their offices. Hopefully a middle TN job will come through where I can use 6 free AGAPE visits.
Sorry if I rambled, I just really needed to get all of this out while it was on my mind - Taxi
