While I could approach the order of these entries in a number of ways, I am going to start with the biggest scar in my life, the "Harry Potter" scar. I phrase it this way not because I am a total nerd, but because this scar is one that will shape my life forever, and one that cannot fully heal as it comes from an internal injury of my heart and soul. Also in relation to this scar, it has a connection ton all my other scars and effects them in each in a unique way that never lets me be free from pain.
This scar is one tied very close to my spiritual life. The cause of it comes from an incident that occurred during the summer of 2008. At that time I was working my second summer as a youth intern at my home congregation. There were a lot of different factors that played a part in that happened that summer, but as I am only one player in this game of life, it is not fair for me to put them all on here from my skewed perspective. I say all of this to basically say that my home congregation split that summer. I sincerely hope that you never have to experience this pain or have to go through the events that followed. Following the initial event, my spiritual life literally went into a chaos of spirals.
While I was lucky enough to survive most of these spirals, I am no longer the same person that I once was. This is both a positive and negative thing in my life, as it has helped me realize just how fragile the solid things are in our life. The positive changes I have made or attempted to make have made me stronger. As for the negative, these are forces and habits that don't drive my life, but do have a unwanted place in my life.
As with all things in my life, I am thankful for everyday that I am able to live and have the ability to work through the many challenges of life. These tasks are made easier by having great friends and family to help me through the rough parts.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Scars - UPDATE
While working on these posts, I have decided to keep each scar post short and to the point. I may or may not elaborate on each at a later date, but at this time I just want to get my thoughts out and move on to more positive things. - Taxi
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Scars
As I mentioned in the last post, I intend to start weaving in more personal information in my posts. Before I do that however, I want to remind you about the rule I set about confronting me with questions about the information I include. I will do my best to never include the real names of the people involved or purposely embarrass people. It is my sole intention to present things from my point of view as I have or am in the process of working through them.
To save time and space I will not start at the "beginning" and give every little detail, but rather a look at the wounds and scars in my life. I first began looking at "wounds" while I was working through a program last year. The examination of wounds is meant to serve as a beginning of the healing process. For a while this method worked as a nice bandage. But like most wounds that are not constantly cleaned and treated my wounds have left some pretty nice scars, which serve as constant reminders of the pain and actions that caused them. Over the next few posts, I will be revealing some of these scars and the pain associated with them.
To save time and space I will not start at the "beginning" and give every little detail, but rather a look at the wounds and scars in my life. I first began looking at "wounds" while I was working through a program last year. The examination of wounds is meant to serve as a beginning of the healing process. For a while this method worked as a nice bandage. But like most wounds that are not constantly cleaned and treated my wounds have left some pretty nice scars, which serve as constant reminders of the pain and actions that caused them. Over the next few posts, I will be revealing some of these scars and the pain associated with them.
The Darkness Deepens
Do you ever get the feeling that the harder you try not to do something, the stronger the urge is to do it? This feeling is sometimes so strong that you feel powerless to ignore it. Unfortunately for me, this week has been just like that.
Since about this time last year, there are several thing that I have tried to stop doing in my life. I have been extremely successful at doing that for some things, but for the most part I have failed. Most of those things are in a gray area where I have not completely stopped doing them, but have reduced the frequency.
The things in which I have been successful in stopping have created a very positive and happy void in my life. While having a void may sound bad, it is actually the polar opposite because it allows so me so many wonderful experiences and people to become a part of my daily life.
This gray area has gotten much darker this week. One of the biggest tasks that I have been working so hard on came to an abrupt end around the middle of the week. This is something that I was extremely proud of having accomplished a solid two months of success on. Though it going to be a VERY difficult climb back out of this pit again, I do not intend to let it drag me further down and open all the doors that I have been able to close.
To help this process along, I will hopefully be posting on a more regular basis to help avoid the temptations. It is also important for me to continue exploring why I became involved with the darker things in my life. Therefore, I may start putting some more personal stuff in these posts, as I sometimes feel that I am the only one struggling, I know that is not true. Maybe we can work through some of our problems together and help each other make our lights and lives brighter in the world around us.
If I do start putting more personal things in these posts, please do not approach me and ask me to talk about them. I have a special group of people whom I trust, and that know me and the specific details about most of the things I will post. If you are one of them, I may come to you to talk about things. If you are not one of these people, again please do not ask me to reveal or discuss anything further than what is posted.
Phil 4:13, Prov 20:18
Since about this time last year, there are several thing that I have tried to stop doing in my life. I have been extremely successful at doing that for some things, but for the most part I have failed. Most of those things are in a gray area where I have not completely stopped doing them, but have reduced the frequency.
The things in which I have been successful in stopping have created a very positive and happy void in my life. While having a void may sound bad, it is actually the polar opposite because it allows so me so many wonderful experiences and people to become a part of my daily life.
This gray area has gotten much darker this week. One of the biggest tasks that I have been working so hard on came to an abrupt end around the middle of the week. This is something that I was extremely proud of having accomplished a solid two months of success on. Though it going to be a VERY difficult climb back out of this pit again, I do not intend to let it drag me further down and open all the doors that I have been able to close.
To help this process along, I will hopefully be posting on a more regular basis to help avoid the temptations. It is also important for me to continue exploring why I became involved with the darker things in my life. Therefore, I may start putting some more personal stuff in these posts, as I sometimes feel that I am the only one struggling, I know that is not true. Maybe we can work through some of our problems together and help each other make our lights and lives brighter in the world around us.
If I do start putting more personal things in these posts, please do not approach me and ask me to talk about them. I have a special group of people whom I trust, and that know me and the specific details about most of the things I will post. If you are one of them, I may come to you to talk about things. If you are not one of these people, again please do not ask me to reveal or discuss anything further than what is posted.
Phil 4:13, Prov 20:18
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)